A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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