i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
