I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
