Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
