I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
