I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize