Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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