The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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