Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
