Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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