You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
