Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
