so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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