new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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