we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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