I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My dick has a subreddit
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
