I got chris browned last night
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
