My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
