I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
