I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
