i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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