My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
