Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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