just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
