I can tuck mytits in my pants
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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