So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
