Kiss
Puke
You're completely useless in the revolution.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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