Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
