Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
