i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
