dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
