Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
