thus making me awesome and them whores
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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