I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
