hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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