dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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