Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
