Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
