oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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