i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
