I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
