You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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