I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
