I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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