I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
