loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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