Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
