I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
