If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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