well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
