If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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