I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
