I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
