from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
