we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
