'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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