Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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