she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
