oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
