We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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