just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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