No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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