Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
