hotel room ftw
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
