I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize