Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
